Tuesday, April 24, 2007

I just KNEW it couldn't be all my fault!

This is an oldie but goodie. I'm posting it in case some of you haven't seen it. I wish I could give the author credit but I have no idea who wrote it.

A recent study has indicated that fabric gives off certain Pheromones, that actually hypnotize women (and men ) and cause them to purchase ungodly amounts.

When stored in large quantities in enclosed spaces, the Pheromones (in the fabric) cause memory loss and induce the nesting syndrome (similar to the one squirrels have before the onset of winter, i.e. storing food), therefore perpetuating their species, and not having a population loss due to their kind being cut up into pieces and mixed with others. Sound tests have also revealed that these fabrics emit a very high-pitched sound, heard only by the breed of women (and men) known as "quilters". When played backwards on an LP, the sounds are heard as chants -"buy me, cut me, sew me!" In order to overcome the so-called "feeding frenzy effect" that these fabrics cause, one must wear a face mask when entering a storage facility and use ear plugs to avoid being pulled into their grip. (One must laugh, however, at the sight of customers in a fabric store, with WW2 army gas masks and headphones!) .

Studies have also indicated that aliens have inhabited the earth, helping to spread the effect that these fabrics have on the human population. They are called FABRIC STORE CLERKS. It's also been my experience that these same Pheromones cause a pathological need to secret these fabric purchases away when taken home (or at least blend them into the existing stash), and when asked by a significant other if the fabric is new, the reply is "I've had it for a while".


I think I must have very acute hearing as well as having definite contact with these aliens!

11 comments:

Tracey @ozcountryquiltingmum said...

Love that and so will the quilter girls, Tracey

Vicky said...

How cute! And, thankfully, I now see what the problem is! All this time I thought it was the quilt pox!

(Hugs)

Vicki W said...

Very funny!

Wendy said...

That's a good one, very funny!

Tazzie said...

Well, it all makes perfect sense to me!
*hugs*
Tazzie
:-)

Libby said...

That explains it *s*

KCQuilter said...

I am so glad to know that I am innocent in this whole buy-fabric-till-it-comes-out-your-ears fiasco!!! Thanks for clearing that up.

Suze said...

I knew it wasn't all my fault.

Quilting Journey said...

My goodness! And all this time I thought pheromones was all about...well, you know...males, females..biochemical attraction. That sort of thing. NOW, I find out, three kids later, it's truly about attraction to fabric! All of this time I COULD have been buying, hoarding and enjoying fabric when that husband and 3 kids kept me so distracted from the true biological purpose of life!! Time to stock up on 'reproduction' fabrics!
;) ;)

Judy said...

Too funny!

Nadine said...

LOVE it, Patti ! It's sooo funny ! Thanks for sharing , I'll copy it, to keep in my journal.....

Big hugs & smiles ,
NADINE